Facebook Facts

Sometimes I want to be anonymous.

I don't want to be found on LinkedIn, Facebook, MySpace, or

Twitter.

I don't want that guy I never liked in high school

Sending me a friend request.

I don't want that woman I worked with when I was 23,

Who probably remembers the times I screwed up in work,

And that I got fired;

I definitely don't want her as part of my

Network.

There's a reason I moved on with my life,

And didn't stay in touch with some of these people.

I thought I was done with them

Forever,

But now they're looking me up on social networks.

Friending me.

How can I turn them down?

What should I say?

"Sorry, I never really liked you

In high school, because

You gave me that embarrassing nickname that I hated."

Or, "Sorry, you must have forgotten that I had a

Shouting match with you in the office

Twenty years ago,

And I always suspected you got me

Fired.

So, no thanks, I don't want to be your friend now."

I'd rather present a different face to the world,

And list my many accomplishments, triumphs, and

Awards (even if I'm a little hazy about some of them).

I'm looking for a different network;

I'm looking for a different me.

I'd rather not chat about old times,

Because it's old times I'm trying to forget.

Didn't you see my profile picture?

I'm more distinguished now,

Somehow more, oh, professional.

That person you want to connect to

Is in a different network.

The stuck-in-a-time-warp network.

I'm not part of that anymore.

I hope.