Parenting can be an exercise in trashing yourself. I've never done anything else in my life where I second-guess myself as much as parenting. From the time my children were babies I've always had a nagging voice in my head saying, "Maybe I should have done this or that differently." It's everything from, "Maybe I should have made sure they didn't use a pacifier when they were babies," to "Maybe I should have insisted they go to a different college."
The "Maybe I should have" moments pile up with each year, till you could spend hours analyzing decisions you made when they were six years old and wondering if you screwed them up forever because of that. You lay awake at night and think, "Is he going to get diabetes some day because I let him eat all the chocolate candy he wanted when he was five years old?" Okay, I'm exaggerating -- but not by much.
That's why it's such a pleasure when you have a moment when things go right, when you can bask in the glory of a decision well made. Last night my wife and I attended a voice recital at my daughter's high school, and she sang a solo. She's 16, and this is her fifth recital since she started at the school. She is a beautiful child, but shy. There's nothing wrong with shyness -- I was very shy as a child -- but as a parent you want to see your children grow out of it and let their voice be heard as they enter adulthood. This daughter has always enjoyed singing, but she was afraid to get up and do it in front of an audience. When she went to the same high school as her older sister, we strongly suggested that she sign up for voice lessons, the same as her more extroverted older sister. She did what we asked, but when it came to recital time she was clearly nervous on stage, and her voice had no volume. "I don't know how to relax and sing," she told us after another performance where her voice sounded small and timid.
Well, last night it all changed. As we sat in amazement in the theater, she strode up to the microphone, sat down at a stool, and sang with power and spirit. Her solo was beautiful, moving, and loud -- and it brought tears to our eyes. I tried to shoot a video with my camera, but I couldn't focus because my eyes were wet and my hand was shaking too much.
I can't take full credit for this, because one thing I've learned is that children can amaze you. You raise them from babies and you think you know everything about them, then they do something that you wouldn't have predicted in a million years. I do take credit for putting her in a position to astound us with her voice. If my wife and I had not urged her to sign up for the voice program she may never have done it on her own.
So, I'm patting myself on the back. Anytime I can say, "I'm glad I did this," rather than, "Maybe I should have," it's a good day.
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