It's Going To Be All Right

By John McDonnell

My daughter is graduating from college in a few days. She’s happy, of course, but also a little scared at the prospect of going out in the world and starting a career.
My words of wisdom to her? “It’s going to be all right.”
Maybe that’s not the most profound statement a father can make, but I still think it’s valuable.
In fact, it’s a constant thread running through my role as a parent. It’s a phrase I told my daughter when she was a little girl and fell and bruised her knee. It’s a phrase I used when she came home disappointed because she got a failing grade in a test. It’s a phrase I used when she had a bad game as a college soccer player. It’s a phrase I used just last month when she called about something that went wrong in her internship.
Even though she’s 22 and a grown woman, she still seems comforted when I say, “It’s going to be all right.”
I believe in positive thinking, and that your words can change things. They can certainly change your mood, your outlook on life, and that can make all the difference. I don’t always know that things are going to turn out all right, but I believe that if you say that phrase often enough it will create a positive outcome.
I also believe that it’s one of a parent’s chief jobs to say, “It’s going to be all right.” After all, there are plenty of people in the world who are ready to tell you that things aren’t going to turn out all right. Read the headlines in any newspaper, and you’ll see enough gloom and doom to make you think the world is heading downhill fast, and nothing, but nothing, is going to turn out right. Sometimes the most radical thing you can do in the face of all that is to say, “It’s going to turn out all right.”
If you can say that phrase to your child their whole life, and they believe you, and it helps them to keep a positive attitude about their life, I think you’ve done a pretty good job as a parent.
THE END

Road Trip

By John McDonnell

Okay, I'm going on a road trip this week with my daughter, and I'm going to post diary entries here. We're visiting colleges so she can get an idea of what schools she might want to apply to next Fall. She's a high school junior, and we've only visited three schools so far, so this is where Dad clears the decks and spends some bonding time with daughter, while we drive around the South and look at schools.

This is so different than when I was thinking about college, so many years ago. I basically looked at one school, LaSalle College (now it's a university, but back then it was just a punk college). I never visited it; I just looked at some brochures that came in the mail, and said, "Okay, this place looks good, I'll apply there." I took the SAT test one time, racked up a pretty decent score, sent in my one college application, and got my acceptance early in my senior year. I never took an SAT prep course, never spent a minute researching schools, and -- thank God -- didn't know what was an elite school and what wasn't.

This was in the innocent days before the U.S. News & World Report college rankings, before the mania to get in the "right" school, and before parents got so deeply involved with the whole college admissions process. All my folks cared about was that I went to a college that was local and not too expensive. No, I'm wrong: all they really cared about was that I got a college degree. My father was the first person in his family to get a college degree, and he was determined that all of his children would get one too. He didn't give a hoot about "top 50" colleges, or anything like that. He just wanted that degree for his kids, so they could get a good start toward making something of themselves.

Today, it's all so complicated. I think that's sad for the kids, because it takes some of the joy out of the experience. They get so bogged down in getting the right grades, compiling a list of activities to put on their resume, and making sure they get all the right recommendations, that they can't relax and enjoy the experience of finding a college that's right for them.

Well, that's enough pontificating. For the rest of this week I'm going to try to make this a fun, joyful experience for my daughter. Hopefully I'll succeed. I'll post about it here.